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This is His Story, not mine.

"Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle"

"Somewhere in the Middle"--Casting Crowns

Story of my life right now. Why would a 4.0 pre-medical student drop her major, change to undecided, and begin a semester with practically no idea what she wants to do in life? Because Jesus told me to. This sounds so cliché, but this semester for me has been all about flying blind, about learning to trust my Savior even more. This week was almost a repeat of one week 3 months ago (has it really been that long!). Wednesday night, my roommate once again visited the Emergency Room (she's fine now), and then Thursday, I actually changed my major from premedical chemistry to undecided. That day, I also found out that I would not be a part of the group that I was not a part of that week, which was devastating for me. So......like that post, I was a confused college student with a sick roommate, virtually no direction in life, and left out.
At least, that's what the world would have seen. Let me tell you about my God.
This week differs from that previous time in many ways. God is good.
My roommate, though she must take care to keep herself healthy, has been declared cancer-free. She has faced her battle with Satan head-on and has triumphed even though the war is still being fought. She trusted Christ to take control, and He did, giving her a significant blessing in the midst of her trials. God is good.
Three months ago, Satan plagued me with jealousy and loneliness. Since that week, my God has replaced this with fulfillment from Him, a commitment that no matter what positions and titles are given, despite my fears and concerns, He is there for me, filling me, living in me. "I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine." I am the Lord's temple, and the Spirit that raised my Savior from the dead lives in me right now, this very minute as you're reading this post. When the world tells me I'm alone, I can look to the friends I've been given, to the answer to prayer that my "big sister" is, and to my God; and I know that I'm never alone. "Surely I AM with you always"(Mt28:20). God is good.
And three months ago, I finally surrendered my heart to a fact I had known for nine months: that whatever it is that Jesus wants me to do with my life, majoring in premedical sciences is not it. There are many reasons, most of which don't matter much, but I am no longer a premedical student. Despite potential, grades, and love for the subject matter, God has shown me that He must be glorified above myself, that I must be able to lean on Him. "I am not, but I know I AM."(Louie Giglio). I have no major this semester, giving me time to back up, examine where I am with Christ, and sincerely inquire into what He's doing in my life, what He has planned for me. I have no true plan for a career; I have no earthly idea what I'm supposed to do besides serve on the mission field. But that's just it--I don't have to have an earthly idea of what I'm supposed to do. My plans, my dreams for the future amount to nothing if they do not line up with what my God, in His ultimate sovereignty, has written as His story in my life. THAT should be my goal--to live my life in a way that leaves readers amazed at the penmanship of my Author. "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD. 'Plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"(Jer29:11) "And in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."(Rom8:28) I am a child of God, seen as holy in His eyes, His heir, beloved by the almighty God Who created everything in the universe with a word--except humankind, whom He formed with His own hand. I am made in the image of God, intended to be His mirror, His ambassador, His light, His salt, His missionary. And as long as I am shouting His Name to the world, watching Him draw the people around me to Himself, I am at peace, fulfilling my purpose. It is not my role to determine my future, but it is my duty to fall at His feet, cast down my crown, "trade my dreams for His," ask Him to mold me into the new creation He has made me. And He is faithful and carries out all of His promises. Smile in the wonderful promise of His love, salvation, and inheritance.
My God is good.

"Deep water faith in the shallow end

 And we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences

of the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His?

Or are we caught in the middle?"