Mountains and Locks

I can't find the words to pray
I'm a little down today
Can you help me?
Can you hold me?
I feel like a million miles away
And I don't know what to say
Can you hear me anyway?
What I need is for you to reach out your hand
You have taught me
No matter what you'd understand

CHORUS:

Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.


I've look every where to find
A simple peace of mind
I can't find nothing on my own
So I got to leave myself behind
Take up this cross of mine
Give away everything I hold onto

Lord I know the only way is through this
Lord I know I need you to help me do this

CHORUS

Lord move in a way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

Out of this place of complacency
To a place of fellowship with thee
Cause I am weak but Lord you are so strong
And you know it's been way too long (been way too long)

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and I'll knock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move)...

O, Happy Day!

This is my e-mail that went out tonight. It's a pretty good summary of what's been happening lately here in Ocean City, so....enjoy! Celebrate with me in everything the Lord's been doing!
"Hey everyone!! Tomorrow is the beginning of August, which, frankly, is really strange. I have been here in Ocean City for a whole two months. It’s been hard yet so rewarding, and I won’t forget my experiences here in a hurry. I want to share what’s been going on in our Christian family recently!
I told y’all about Carlos in the last e-mail. We still talk to him often, and he’s pursuing his faith. It’s encouraging to see a fourteen year-old so concerned about his walk with the Lord and the way that he lives out his faith. He asks for prayer regarding his family because it’s been hard for them to accept his decision. So please just continue praying that he has the courage to live for Christ. He asks us constantly to feed him Scripture, so we’re doing our best as a team to encourage him in his new walk with the Lord.
Kirill, a student from Kazakhstan, became our brother in Christ this week! He told us the good news at Coffeehouse on Friday night. Saturday afternoon, we had the opportunity to go to his baptism in the Atlantic Ocean. It was so cool!! (See facebook for pictures...I can’t get them to load on the e-mail.) And then tonight, the music minister of Ocean City Baptist Church was out of town, so Michelle, Kaylynn, and Taylor led music; and Kirill sang “O, Happy Day!” again for the congregation. He’s sung it once before, but tonight, he got to sing it with the personal knowledge of what it means! Also, two Romanian girls (Elena and Kristina) sang “Sanctuary” in Romanian! So cool!
AND today, one of the lifeguards, Chris, that has been coming to dinner and SEARCH asked to be baptized! Aaaaaahhhh!! :D God is bringing in the harvest!! Be in constant prayer for Carmen, Jane, and Diana, international students who are so, so close to accepting Christ. They’re asking so many questions, and Sean’s (the pastor) message tonight really brought forth a lot of questions from them regarding salvation. All of us are waiting in expectation to see how God will play out the end of our term here.
Last week, our mission team was from Bethany Lane Baptist Church in Ellicott City, MD. I cannot even begin to describe how much of an encouragement they were to us. My team was made up of Jessica, Warren, Josh, and Andrea (and me and Jacob). It was awesome to watch the 3 youth and 1 adult with these kids, pouring into them all week. The whole youth group, called Generation Hope, performed a series of skits and dances for family nights last week that just praised God for everything He’s done. They ended each program with the “Turnaround” skit followed by sign language to “How Great is Our God” by Chris Tomlin. Believers, there is scarcely anything as powerful as the message they portrayed about the redeeming, saving love of Christ. Seeds have been scattered in families’ lives through this group of young people. Saying goodbye to them was so hard, and I can’t even imagine saying bye to my team.
My team is my family here in Ocean City, and we’ve grown together so much. I’m thankful every day for them. Please pray for us to take every opportunity to encourage each other and draw others to Christ as we finish this last week here in Maryland. Taylor leaves Saturday; Michelle, Kaylynn, and I leave Sunday; Grace leaves Tuesday; Becca and Jacob leave next Saturday; and Ashley leaves soon after that. It’s been an awesome summer, and now the harvest is coming in and we’re so blessed to see the results of God’s work this summer! I’m praising God every day for my new brothers in Christ, and praying so hard for the remaining kids to come to know Him. Continue lifting up our Surf and Sand Club kids, that we share not our words but our Savior’s and that He moves powerfully in their lives. Our mission team this week is from Chesapeake Bay and is made up of 6 adults, 2 youth, and 7 small children. Pray for patience on our team’s behalf and that the presence of kids draws children in for Surf and Sand. I can’t wait to see how God is going to move this week!
I’ve been uploading pictures on facebook. I can’t put up any pictures of the kids at the campground or most of the international kids because of security reasons, but if you ever want to see any of them, I’d be more than happy to share with you. Thank you all for all the mail—it has helped encourage me so much this summer. I have a stack of letters literally 4 or 5 inches thick on a shelf by my bed. I’d love to receive more mail this week, but you should send it by Tuesday at the latest (unless you overnight it) so it can get here by Saturday. I can’t believe it’s time to come home....wow. Well, I know that prayers are headed our way this week, and I’d be thrilled to pray for you in any way that I can, so let me know. This is a long e-mail, but there’s just so much to tell (and even more)! :D I love y’all and I’m praying for y’all.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord, not for men.” Col.3:23
Love in Christ,
Beth Ann"

"What are you doing here?"

Wow. Today's been so....wow. I'll just start at the beginning.
I've been reading through 1 Kings, watching as Israel deteriorates into a nation worshipping idols, a people who are steadily forgetting the God Who parted the Red Sea, defeated Goliath, and rescued them time and time again from their oppressors. God's people have split into two nations--Judah and Israel--and all of the kings of Israel are turning out to be evil. Finally, Ahab inherits the throne and becomes the most evil king of all. In chapter 17, the focus changes from only the king to the prophet of the time--Elijah. I've been reading about how Elijah prayed for no rain to come on the land for 3 years, how God provided for a widow who cared for Elijah, how God sent ravens to feed Elijah in the wilderness while he was hiding from Ahab, how Elijah raised the widow's son from the dead, and how God sent down fire from heaven to show the people on Mount Carmel that He is the one and only true God. After this last miracle, the people of Israel put all 850 priests of the idols to death. Jezebel, the wife of Ahab, is greatly angered by this, and makes it her mission to have Elijah put to death, as she has had countless other prophets of God put to death. Elijah flees to Mount Horeb, which is where my journal entry for today comes in.
1 Kings 19--God just did this massive miracle for Elijah, to bring Israel back to Himself, and Queen Jezebel wants to kill Elijah for what his God did to her religious institution (religious control=power). He runs in fear. "I have had enough, LORD." (v4) "I am the only one left."(v10,14) Overcome with despair, Elijah asks God to take his life. He sees not what GOd has done, nor what He has promised to do, just the peril of his position and the fear that stems from it. He does not trust God--Whose fire consumed a soaked altar, Whose power healed the widow's son and helped him run before Ahab's chariot--to protect him from Jezebel's wrath. He's still focused on the present, not the eternal; he fears being killed. How often this summer have I felt alone, forgotten, persecuted internally by the Enemy? I recently read a quote that says, "Do not forget in the dark what you have learned in the light"; do not lose sight of the Light when darkness threatens to overwhelm you, for we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus, yes? When faced with trials, we sometimes become as deer in headlights, focused on what is immediately before us, forgetting entirely our surroundings, that we have the ability to dodge. We forget everything we know and have learned and just stare helplessly into the face of uncertainty.
God tells Elijah to go up on the mountain, removed from everybody and everything, any distractions other than those from within, because His presence is about to pass by. Great things come by--wind and fire and an earthquake--but God was not in any of them. God reminds Elijah that He doesn't have to do something huge and showy (like He did on Mount Carmel) to be present. Instead, this time He came in a still, small voice, a gentle whisper (v12). "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (v13). This hit me so hard, like God speaking directly to me:

"What are you doing here, Beth Ann? How have you forgotten Me and My power? Do you not remember that I've promised to be with you always? I made the heavens and the Earth; I placed and named every star; I decorated the flowers and clothed the animals; do you not believe I'll take care of you? You're My child; you're living for Me, not this world or its expectations. Why do you stress out trying to meet all the world's demands? MY GRACE has given you all you need and so much more.

BE STILL and know that I AM God."

Then Elijah calls Elisha, and Elisha leaves, literally, everything to follow God's call, burning his past so he only has the future to look forward to (as Paul calls us to do in Philippians 3).

Ok. So I've been praying fervently all day for me to just be still in God's grace, reveling in the security I have in God's grace. I know that even if I know nothing about the circumstances around me or what the future holds, I am held by God's grace forever and ever, and even when I don't see fruit being produced all around me, or when I'm discouraged because the Enemy tells me that I haven't seen God "show up" in a long time, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's Spirit lives within me, and we are in constant communion. After all these battles, I've come to a peace with the grace I know I've received.

THEN, what we've been praying for all summer came to be! All summer we have taught kids about Christ, invested in the lives of lifeguards and international kids, and have been praying fervently for salvation for each of them. Sometimes we get caught up in comparisons and become discouraged because, while we may scatter or water the seeds, we have not yet seen their harvesting. But today, two teammates and I witnessed a miracle of God in a place we least expected it--in the heart of a mission team member. Carlos is 14, and today he made a commitment to make Christ his Savior and Lord, and the angels threw a party in heaven because he is now a member of the family of God! Two of my teammates and I talked with him today about what following Christ looks like, what His sacrifice means, and he prayed to make Christ the boss of his life! It was so awesome; the words weren't ours, they were God's drawing His son to Himself. My God is so good! So awesome and mighty, yet so good and loving and full of grace! Praise Him with me today, and be content to just sit and His feet and learn.

So what am I doing here? I am here to serve my God and make disciples, to grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord Jesus Christ, and to encourage believers around me to do the same. I am here to give all my praise, all the glory, all the honor to the Creator of the Universe, the Savior of the world. I am here to make a joyful noise unto the Lord, and to offer a sacrifice of praise in any and every situation, and to remember that NOTHING is impossible with God!

"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!"

Ps. 46

Forgiven. Forgotten. Freed.

I’m going to share an entry in my journal from a week ago today.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Today, Casey Anthony was acquitted, declared innocent of the murder of her 2 year-old daughter. All the evidence points to her committing the crime, but the jury didn’t condemn her to death. The nation is in an uproar. But it got me thinking…..isn’t this what it’s like to be in front of God? We know we’re guilty of sin, a whole life’s worth. And we deserve to be declared guilty, to be given over to everlasting death, an eternal separation from God. But instead, He looks at us and says, ‘not guilty.’ Why? Because His Son was declared guilty instead and gave Himself up to separation from God so we could be saved. WOW. This blows my mind. Not only does He forgive it, but He also forgets our sin. We have to pay the consequences physically, but Psalm 103 says, ‘…as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our sin from us.”

How great must God’s love be for His people. This is what God’s forgiveness looks like. Praise be to my God and Father, hwo looks on me in love, Whom I can approach through my Savior, Jesus Christ. When God looks at me, He sees His Son.

“Salvation is free; it cost me NOTHING.

Following Jesus should cost me SOMETHING.”

One Touch

 Hey from Ocean City!! :D I did in fact make it all the way from Clinton to Ocean City, and so did 7 of my other teammates! Grace, one of our sojourners, is flying in tonight, and we're so excited that our team will finally all be together! That's us on the right, from the left: Kaylynn, David, Mrs. Lynn, Becca, Ashley, and Jacob; and on the bottom: Taylor, Michelle, and me! I'm thrilled to be working with them this summer, and God has really answered our prayers for our team to bond. I feel like I've been with them so much longer than two weeks, and I can't imagine living without them around all the time. They're all super encouraging and I love them to death :) Please pray that we will continue to grow as a team and work as one toward Christ's goal for the summer, especially as the summer continues. We've done so much work, but it's been so much fun! We do Surf and Sand Clubs every morning at the campgrounds (I'm at Fort Whaley with Jacob), hand out water to lifeguards in the afternoons, hang out with the internationals, lifeguards, kids from the church, and families at the campgrounds at night, and somewhere in there we find time to chill out together on the beach. :) I'm loving the work we're doing, and every day holds something new!
So now that you've met my team and seen a brief sketch of what we do, I need to tell you about what God has been doing in my life :) Coming into the summer, I had no idea what I was going to study in the Word. But in the airport, Joshua 1:9 kept running through my mind.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.                    Joshua 1:9

Before I got here, I was so scared. I had no idea what the summer would hold, how my teammates would interact, or how I could handle being away from home for so long. But then God reminded me that I don't have to handle anything without Him there with me, every step of the way. With God on my side, I have no reason to be afraid, because the joy of the Lord is my strength. :) In the airport, I decided to study the book of Joshua, and I've journaled the whole book of Joshua in twelve days. It's amazing to me that even though the Israelites faced fortified nations with much more military strength than they, Joshua led them to follow the God Who had delivered them from the Egyptians, Who had parted the Red Sea and Who had sent them manna for 40 years in the desert. Under Joshua's leadership, God parted the Jordan River for the Israelites, Jericho fell to shouts and trumpet blasts alone, and kingdom after kingdom was destroyed by the power of God. Despite all odds, the Israelites finally had a home in Canaan, and for the time being, they were committed to serve Him always. (see Joshua 23-24) Now I'm continuing into Judges, where the people of God fall away, are oppressed, repent, and are delivered time after time. My quiet times have reminded me that I must not be like the Israelites, who thought that keeping a remnant of the old people in the land was good, but I must get rid of all that will later come back to oppress me, old habits and sins and fears that I tell myself won't ever hurt me but that actually pack a lot of power over me if I let them. Living a life of fearlessness is what gives glory to my God, and in that state of knowing my God will deliver me, I can serve Him in full joy :D

Ok so now another thing God's been bringing to mind a lot recently......healing. As most of you know, I've been in the process of getting implants and finishing up work on my teeth for a while now. Well, I was really hoping that it would be finished before I headed up here for the summer, but I left MS with my temporary teeth still in place. So......a few days after I got here, I found out that my teeth have been finished. At first, I was really, really discouraged. But that day, I also asked my wonderful big sister to e-mail me a story so I could learn it for the kids at the campgrounds, and she e-mailed me the story about the bleeding woman that Jesus healed!! :D She had bled for twelve years, and she knew that as He was traveling through her town, if she could just touch Him, she would be healed. When she touched His cloak, immediately the bleeding stopped, and instead of being angry with her, Jesus said "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." So GOOD!!! :) (For the full story, see Mark 5.) And once again (as many times before, God reminded me that I am His daughter and He has healed me, though not in the way that I expected. I actually got a henna design on my hand (see photo above) that tells this story; and I have been able to share the story of Christ's healing with several people already. So awesome! When I was little, I would pray to be healed from kidney trouble and teeth trouble, expecting to just wake up one morning and have nothing wrong with me. But now, looking back, I can see how all these experiences have made me into who I am today, and they have given me a story that I can share and tell people about Christ with. As I was talking with my roommate that night, she told me of a song called "One Touch" by Nicole C. Mullen. This song is the story of the bleeding woman, and I'm going to leave you with these lyrics. Look up the song, listen to it, and be amazed by the incredible story of Christ that is told.

Been ostracized for 12 years
I'm used to being alone
spent everything i had and now it's gone
i'm used to being put down
my issues tell it all
my only hope is anchored in this fall


If I could just touch the hem of His garment
I know I'd be made whole
If I could just press my way through this madness
His love would heal my soul
If only one touch


So many people calling
how could He ever know
that just a brush of Him would stop the flow
If He knew would He rebuke me
Or shame me to the crowd
Well I'm desperate 'cause it's never or it's now


If I could just touch the hem of His garment
I know I'd be made whole
If I could just press my way through this madness
His love would heal my soul.



And then suddenly He turned around
He said somebody has unleashed My power
Well, frightened and embarrassed I bowed
You see I told Him of my troubles
And how...


I had to touch the Hem of His garment
And I know I've been made whole
and how I had pressed my way through this madness
and His love has healed my soul.


Then with one word He touched the hem of my garment
and you know I've been made whole
and somehow He pressed His way throught my madness
and His love has healed my soul.


I tell you he Touched me.
He reached way down and touched me
When no one else would touch me
your Jesus shol' 'nough he touched me...
and I know I've been made whole 

BAM is going to Ocean City!

Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.                              Joshua 1:6-9

Hey everyone! Well, it’s official! I’m on my way to spend my summer in Ocean City, Maryland! My first flight left the Jackson airport at 6:01 this morning (yes, 6:01, not 6:00 or 6:02). The flight was smooth and easy. My seat partner slept the whole time and I nearly froze my feet off (note to self: bring socks next time!), but we made it to Charlotte, North Carolina and now I’m sitting at my next gate. It’s hard to believe that it’s finally here. The whole month of May, I was basically packed and ready to go, but now that it’s actually here, now that I’ve said goodbye to my family and friends until August, it’s sort of surreal. Yesterday I spent a lot of time playing the piano and hanging out with my family. A lot of people came over for s’mores last night, and we weighed my bag using the WiiFit! ^_^ Thank you all for all your support and encouragement as I’ve prepared for the summer! I love you all and will miss you!
I have several prayer requests. This will be the longest period of time I’ve been away from home. I’ve lived in Clinton my whole life and even go to school there, so this is the first time in my life that my family won’t be just a 3-minute car ride away. I’m resting in the fact that my Father is with me wherever I am, but I know that I’m really going to miss home. Please pray to keep away homesickness and worry. Also, my teammate Michelle was supposed to be here at the airport with me right now; her flight was supposed to leave at the same time as mine. However, her flight was cancelled, and now she won’t leave until almost 4 this afternoon and arrive in Ocean City at 9 tonight. Pray that she won’t be stressed about this and for a restful day and safe flights for her. Please keep my team in your prayers as we meet face-to-face today and begin working together. With all of you backing our ministry with prayer, Jesus is gonna do some totally awesome things this summer! I’m just ready to be amazed! :) Finally, when you pray for me and my Ocean City team, please also take some time to lift up the other summer missionaries around the world, especially those in secure countries. Pray for endurance and wisdom as all of us spend our summers telling, literally, the world about our Savior. Thank you all for your prayers!

Hey, so I just met another of my teammates! Her name is Taylor and she's from North Carolina! Just 2 and half hours to wait in the airport........

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Thanks!

This is His Story, not mine.

"Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle"

"Somewhere in the Middle"--Casting Crowns

Story of my life right now. Why would a 4.0 pre-medical student drop her major, change to undecided, and begin a semester with practically no idea what she wants to do in life? Because Jesus told me to. This sounds so cliché, but this semester for me has been all about flying blind, about learning to trust my Savior even more. This week was almost a repeat of one week 3 months ago (has it really been that long!). Wednesday night, my roommate once again visited the Emergency Room (she's fine now), and then Thursday, I actually changed my major from premedical chemistry to undecided. That day, I also found out that I would not be a part of the group that I was not a part of that week, which was devastating for me. So......like that post, I was a confused college student with a sick roommate, virtually no direction in life, and left out.
At least, that's what the world would have seen. Let me tell you about my God.
This week differs from that previous time in many ways. God is good.
My roommate, though she must take care to keep herself healthy, has been declared cancer-free. She has faced her battle with Satan head-on and has triumphed even though the war is still being fought. She trusted Christ to take control, and He did, giving her a significant blessing in the midst of her trials. God is good.
Three months ago, Satan plagued me with jealousy and loneliness. Since that week, my God has replaced this with fulfillment from Him, a commitment that no matter what positions and titles are given, despite my fears and concerns, He is there for me, filling me, living in me. "I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine." I am the Lord's temple, and the Spirit that raised my Savior from the dead lives in me right now, this very minute as you're reading this post. When the world tells me I'm alone, I can look to the friends I've been given, to the answer to prayer that my "big sister" is, and to my God; and I know that I'm never alone. "Surely I AM with you always"(Mt28:20). God is good.
And three months ago, I finally surrendered my heart to a fact I had known for nine months: that whatever it is that Jesus wants me to do with my life, majoring in premedical sciences is not it. There are many reasons, most of which don't matter much, but I am no longer a premedical student. Despite potential, grades, and love for the subject matter, God has shown me that He must be glorified above myself, that I must be able to lean on Him. "I am not, but I know I AM."(Louie Giglio). I have no major this semester, giving me time to back up, examine where I am with Christ, and sincerely inquire into what He's doing in my life, what He has planned for me. I have no true plan for a career; I have no earthly idea what I'm supposed to do besides serve on the mission field. But that's just it--I don't have to have an earthly idea of what I'm supposed to do. My plans, my dreams for the future amount to nothing if they do not line up with what my God, in His ultimate sovereignty, has written as His story in my life. THAT should be my goal--to live my life in a way that leaves readers amazed at the penmanship of my Author. "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD. 'Plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"(Jer29:11) "And in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."(Rom8:28) I am a child of God, seen as holy in His eyes, His heir, beloved by the almighty God Who created everything in the universe with a word--except humankind, whom He formed with His own hand. I am made in the image of God, intended to be His mirror, His ambassador, His light, His salt, His missionary. And as long as I am shouting His Name to the world, watching Him draw the people around me to Himself, I am at peace, fulfilling my purpose. It is not my role to determine my future, but it is my duty to fall at His feet, cast down my crown, "trade my dreams for His," ask Him to mold me into the new creation He has made me. And He is faithful and carries out all of His promises. Smile in the wonderful promise of His love, salvation, and inheritance.
My God is good.

"Deep water faith in the shallow end

 And we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences

of the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His?

Or are we caught in the middle?"

All My Fountains

"Open the heavens; Come, Living Water!

All my fountains are in You!

Strong like a river, Your love is running through

All my fountains are in You!"

--"All My Fountains" Chris Tomlin

As I'm preparing for summer missions, this song keeps coming into my head. This week I'm serving in Wichita, KS with the college group from Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Madison. The week began with a discussion on how we're not saved by our works; we are saved by grace! and how sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that by following a checklist, we can somehow pay God back for what He has done for us. Such a lie! We can NEVER pay Him back for His sacrifice, BUT we can act out of love to honor Him and praise His Name for what He did on that cross for us and is continually doing in our lives. I'm learning that no matter how much I think I'm independent, I can do NOTHING without my Christ. All my fountains are in Christ. This is becoming so clear to me, especially this week. "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for the is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."(1Thes5:16-18)

I have prayed more this week than I have in a long time, and it's so fulfilling to be in this constant state of talking with Jesus. To be aware in my prayer life of much more than simply my needs and what I want done, to honestly pray, "Lord, Your will be done"......to know needs of others and take them to God in prayer......I've had more continuous conversations with my Savior this week than I have in a long time, and it's only Monday! But Christ is teaching me to let go of those things that I cannot even hope to control, and to rely on Him to work through everything. He has promised to never leave us, and I have to trust Him to fulfill that promise. I can only ask that He continue to teach me, to guide me, to instruct me and build my confidence in Him, and I know that He will answer because this will bring Him glory.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139:23-24

May my God be ever praised, glorified, and honored forever and ever! One day, every knee will bow at just the sound of the blessed Name of Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, Savior of the world!

Love Letter

"Greater love has no one than this--that he lay down his life for his friends."--John 15:13
Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? So much that you can't understand how no one can hear it just screaming out of you as it threatens to overwhelm you? So much that you would sacrifice anything for them, even your life?
At the beginning of the semester, I began asking God to guard my heart, to show me whom to love and how to guard my affections. And recently, I'm really beginning to see what relationships in my life mean the most to me.
First--my family. I love my family so much. They have supported and encouraged me for nineteen years, and I would not be who I am today without them. My mom and dad have sacrificed so much for me, have prayed for me. My little sister challenges me so much to really know what I believe, to share my faith, and to "press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."(Phil3:14). She challenges me to give everything I have to everything I attempt, and I'm so thankful for her :) I would die for my family.
My mentors. Over the years, I have had many mentor-figures in my life, mostly older students that have invested in me and given me advice to help me grow in Christ. Right now, I have two people that I consider my mentors, one of which has played that role in my life for about three and a half years now. She's a main reason I came to know Christ, and now that she's learning what it is to love and be loved by one she could marry, I'm so excited for her :) The other current mentor in my life is one who really welcomed me to the college world. Last semester she adopted me as her "little," even though neither of us are in a tribe. She constantly encourages me and teaches me and shows me how much Christ has to offer. She is recently ENGAGED!! and I'm excited beyond words about her beginning this next chapter in her life. Both of these young women are so in love with Christ, and their love for Him overflows to the people and the world around them. I would die for them.
My "little brother." He has so much potential, so much love for Christ, so much leadership that's just waiting to be used, practically bursting to escape from him. He's two and a half years younger than I am, but he's my best friend in the whole world, and my life would be a much darker place without him in it. He's who I can call to randomly play Mario, or go on bike rides, or play piano duets, or teach me a new card game. Out of love for him, I go to his house until 12:30 at night to help him with lab reports, or make him cupcakes for his birthday, or encourage him when he's having a bad day. He's been my best friend for a long time, but especially since Christmas, I've realized how much I love this boy. And it's so different from romantic love, but almost the same. I would do absolutely anything for him, and I know he would do the same for me. I can honestly say that I would die for him.
The last person I'm going to talk about has actually entered my life fairly recently. I've grown really close to her this semester in a way that I haven't with anyone else. My whole life, I've wondered what it would be like to have a big sister. Not one that adopts you in a tribe, but one whom you love so much, you're amazed. I can go to her for anything at all, and she listens, comforts, rebukes, consoles, gives advice, prays for me, listens to God and shows me what it's like to really walk in step with the Spirit. She impacts so many people and doesn't even realize it, and demonstrates God's love in such a beautiful way. She can tell when something's bothering me, is relentless until she finds out what it is, and gives the best hugs in the whole world. She's constantly teaching me, and I'm learning from her how to be a big sister that can lead my little sister to know Christ. The bond I have formed with this young woman is one that I don't believe will be easily broken, and I know it has changed my life. I have learned what it is to love so deeply, I don't even know how to express it. I would die for my "big sister."
But even greater than the love that I have for these people is the love that my God has for me and for you. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life."(John3:16). My God loved me enough to not only die Himself, but to sacrifice His Son for me. He knows what it is to love so deeply, He would do anything to keep us, anything to give us life. He gave His Son, a third of Himself, to become our payment, our sin offering, our bridge to the Father. I may think that I know what it is to love, and you may think so as well. But know this--we cannot know love until we know our Father. "God is love."(1John4:8)

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since Go so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us."

1 John 4:7-12

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Ephesians 3:17-19

Love til it hurts, then keep loving. Always remember that our God's love never runs out, so there's always more to receive, always more to give. He created you and loves you enough to die for you.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Skipping Biology to Write a Psalm.

Your Word is more precious than silk,

more soothing than warm milk.

Your promises envelope me like my mother's hugs,

and I am reminded of Your sovereignty.

You have everything under control

always and forever;

and everything will work out for Your glory.

I want my life to be pleasing to You,

You Who created me long before time as I know it began.

Let me cast aside others' expectations, my fears and comparisons;

For You,

the creator of the universe,

Savior of the world,

delight in me.

You act in ways I cannot see.

Who am I to question Your methods?

You have blessed me in too many ways to count.

Remind me again and again how mighty You are.

Your voice is a gentle thunder,

reminding me who I am not while describing Whose I am.

May others see You in me and praise You because of what You do in me.

May I never tire or grow weary of the work You have given me.

May I drink from Your strength every morning, minute, hour,

for there is always more of You.

God, Your love is never-ending,

never-changing,

ever-present,

deeper, higher, wider

than I could ever comprehend.

You will never abandon Your chosen,

those You love.

I have been adopted into Your family by Your will,

according to Your good pleasure.

I am Your child,

Your bride,

part of Your body.

Let me use Your gifts to glorify You,

strengthening the body,

growing Your kingdom

And in turn, learning more and more about You and how You've saved me.

Empty my mind of all distractions,

and clear my preconceived notions and expectations.

Fill it again with thoughts of You,

so I may fall in love with You,

my love,

my idol,

all-consuming fire,

my Savior,

LORD,

my God,

all over again.

Awake, my soul!

Revel in the splendor of the servant King,

the One who gave everything for a people worth nothing.

You have made me Your own, worthy to come into Your kingdom

because You so loved me once upon a cross.

Were I to praise You all the days of my life,

I would not even begin to describe Your wonder.

You are faithful, and wonderful, and good. So good.

Jesus, I am so in love with You.

May Your Name be praised.

"Desert Song"

I have about 2 hours between my 8:45 piano lesson and the 10:50 chapel service. Today I spent the time practicing Mozart and hymn arrangements (LOVE piano oh so much. It's God's way of preserving my sanity.) and then sitting in my church's sanctuary waiting for chapel to start. That's where I am right now, actually. A few minutes ago, "Desert Song" by Hillsong came over the speakers. I've never really listened to the words before, and they really touched me.

"This is my prayer in the desert,

And all that's within me feels dry,

This is my prayer in the hunger in me,

My God is a God Who provides.

And this is my prayer in the fire,

In weakness, in trial, or pain,

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold,

So refine me Lord through these flames.

I will bring praise, I will bring praise!

No weapon formed against me shall remain.

I will rejoice, I will be declare

God is my victory, and He is here!

And this is my prayer in the battle,

Victory is still on its way,

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand!

All of my life, in every season,

You are still God; I have a reason to sing.

I have a reason to worship!

This is my prayer in the harvest,

When favor and providence flow.

I know I'm filled to be emptied again;

The seed I've received I will sow.

I will bring praise, I will bring praise.

No weapon formed against me shall remain!

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here!"

The challenge to be content with what God has given me, asking Him not to take the flames away but to use them to refine me and make me shine for Him....such a great message. Praising God through everything because Christ has given me a reason to sing and worship....I am saved by grace!

"In love, God predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves. In Him, we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And He made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure, which He purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment--to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ." (Eph1:4b-10)

WARNING: Long post ahead.

The past few weeks of my life have been INSANE! Blessings multiplied, hardships abounded, but God showed up through it all.
Two Saturdays ago, a friend and I tried to go out to We Will Go in Jackson, but we got lost and ended up going to the nature center in Clinton instead. It was relaxing to just walk around in God's creation and talk with her, sharing what had been on our hearts lately about mentoring and youth ministry and fun stuff like that. :) So incredible! That weekend, my world was turned upside down. My roommate went to the ER, I about had a panic attack, I played the offertory with my best friend in church, I changed my major (finally--Jesus had been telling me to since APRIL!), and God put someone in my life that has become the big sister I never had. Without her leadership and comfort, I would have gone crazy that weekend. I was terrified because I hadn't heard from my roommate in over 14 hours. I knew that she had gone to the ER, but I didn't know where or who took her or what was wrong. Thankfully, Jesus calmed my nerves through some prayer by that same amazing individual and our BSU's singing group. The name, Surrender, is very fitting here. :) That night, I learned what true fear feels like, and how freeing it is to surrender thoughts, fears, and worries to my King who has endured more than anything that will ever come my way. Seriously. He took on every sin (past, present, and future) AND the wrath of God in relation to all of those sins (PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE!). And I complain?
Anyway, that week, I visited my roommate in the hospital, dropped a class, and resolved to FINALLY change my major. Basically, I'm tired of being Jonah. I don't know what God has planned in my life, but I have known for almost a year that it is not premedical chemistry. So I'm flying blind. Lesson here: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." (1Cor2:9)


That next weekend was our church's DNow. The theme was "The Amazing Race," and throughout the weekend, the youth learned about characters in the Bible that ran the race that God had marked out for them, whether they began that way or not. Jonah, David, Elijah, etc. All of these were powerful men of God that ultimately followed the plan that God had made for them before time began and ran it with all they had, ultimately leading people to glorify God as almighty. Sammy challenged the church with the charge to not stay silent like the people on Elijah's mountain who went from being silent to falling before God saying, "The LORD--He is God! The LORD--He is God!" (1Kings18:39) How often are we quiet as people ask us what we believe, as we are asked to stand up for our faith, as we are faced with a decision to live for Christ or fulfill our own desires? Why are we silent? It took a miracle to stimulate the people to declare YHWH as God. Just like them, our generation is very much a seeing-is-believing people. In Matthew, Jesus tells the crowds that because they are demanding a sign, they will see nothing because they just want a show. When will we refuse to ask Jesus simply for proof that He is ultimate and sovereign and believe on faith? "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Heb11:1)
Anyway....now that I've chased that rabbit (which totally spoke to me just now), I'll get to what I actually learned that weekend. At my summer missions interview, they asked me what my favorite area of ministry was. I had no clue. When applying for summer missions, my mindset was just to go somewhere, I didn't care where I went or what I was going to do, I just wanted to go serve my God. Well, I found out the next day. When I first found out that I wasn't going to lead a small group for DNow, I was very disappointed. Working at DNow was something I had been looking forward to since like eighth grade. However, God had bigger and better plans for me....I ran camera. By doing that, I had the best job at DNow, I think. I got to hang out with everybody, go to all the host homes, harass my friends with a video camera, run recreation with the eighth grade girls (told you God's plan was better than my own) and spend time with the best youth group on the face of the planet. I fell in love with my youth group all over again, and suddenly, I realized how hard it would be for me to leave them and Clinton for the whole summer. I had found my two favorite areas of ministry--youth and media. :)


At the beginning of this week, I was plagued with doubt about whether or not I was actually called to summer missions this summer. I began to question my motives for applying, my reasons for choosing the projects I did, etc. Finally, I just gave it to God. I knew that wherever I was appointed (or even if they told me to stay home), God designed it and I would end up wherever He had planned for me to be. So on Tuesday, when I got my assignment (to MARYLAND!!!! :D), I had an "even-the-rocks-will-cry-out" moment. I was so excited, so filled with joy and a "peace...which transcends all understanding" (Phil4:7) that I couldn't even say the project out loud when people asked me where I had been appointed. My heart was screaming it, rejoicing in a way I've never experienced before, and I could hardly understand how others couldn't just hear my thoughts, read my mind. But......I'M GOING TO MARYLAND!!! June 6-August 6!! :D SOOOO excited!
Also, my roommate had tests done this past week, and I've finally given that worry and wondering to Christ. My Big got engaged yesterday!!! And this is a new week. New experiences, new days, new lessons. Like in the parable of the builders, the rain will most definitely come, but my life is built on a Rock that can never be moved or shaken. I can only hope that my life can be a letter to Him that gives Him all glory. There's no telling what He's gonna do next.


Every once in awhile, I make a list of my blessings. I feel that is appropriate here.
-I am saved by grace.
-God has given me some pretty incredible people in my life. A mentor, three best friends, a practically-big-sister, my Big, an awesome little sister, etc.
-Even though I mess up a lot and pass up too many opportunities, my God is sovereign and can work through all of my "problems."
-Um, my God can do anything. Absolutely anything. Especially stuff that we can't even imagine. He is definitely alive. So alive. :)
-I go to a pretty great school, even if I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. But that's just it, isn't it....."To live is Christ, to die is gain" (Phil1:21)
-No matter what, my God is with me always. (Mat28:20)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious in anything; but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil4:4-7)

Isn't it funny how God works?

God's Letter to Me...

I am, by nature, someone who likes to feel involved. I don't necessarily have to like what the group is doing, or even participate myself. I just like to feel wanted. I guess everyone has that inclination. That's why God created woman, right? "It is not good for man to be alone..." (Genesis 2:18) Because humans are wired for companionship. This weekend, God proved to me yet again that though I desperately long for belonging, He is ultimately all I'll ever need, the presence that will fill me time and time again forever and ever amen.


When the weekend began, I was very disappointed because most of the kids I hang out with here at school were going out of town, and I wasn't part of the group. (confession time). But I resolved that I wasn't gonna dwell on it. Over and over again, God showed up in ways that I wouldn't have seen had I gone on the trip.


First, I received a letter that totally rocked my world. It wasn't signed, just addressed to me....
"My beloved, abide under the shelter of the lattice, for I have betrothed you to Myself, and though you are sometimes indifferent toward Me, My love for you is at all times as a flame of fire. My ardor never cools. My longing for your love and affection is deep and constant.   Tarry not for an opportunity to have more time to be alone with Me. Take it, though you leave the tasks at hand. Nothing will suffer. Things are of less importance than you think. Our time together is like a garden full of flowers, whereas the time you give to things is a field full of stubble.   I love you, and if you can always, as it were, feel My pulse beat, you will receive insight that will give you sustaining strength. I bore your sins, and I wish to carry your burdens. You may take the gift of a light and merry heart, for my love dispels all fear and is a cure for every ill. Lay your head upon My breast and lose yourself in Me. You will experience resurrection's life and peace; the joy of the Lord will become your strength; and wells of salvation will be opened with you. Be still, My beloved." And a reference to Song of Solomon 2:9-13.
...such a powerful reminder of how much my God loves me and pursues me. "You pursue me when I am running/You have chosen this race/You are Savior, and I am sinner/ and it delights You to save." For the first time in awhile, I actually followed advice and was still before my Lord, waiting on Him, trusting His timing. And basically, the rest of the weekend fell into place. I spent time with my family, praised Jesus with my best friend in piano music, and spent a lot of time in God's Word. He has shown me over and over again this weekend that His plans for me are so much more than anything I could ever imagine. I've been influenced and encouraged by those I consider my mentors, the one I mentor, and my God Who knew my name before the stars came to be. And, finally, I am at peace. About everything. I may not know what's next in life regarding my major, my summer, how my time is spent, but I do know that my God is sovereign and mighty and the ultimate lover and has written my name in His hand. The creator of time, of the universe, of my every cell and DNA strand, wants me to live at peace with Him. How amazing is that?
And how often do I take Him for granted? How often do I just sing the words to "It is Well" without taking the meaning to heart? He wrote a whole love letter to me, so that I could come to know Him in a way that is unique to me yet spans across time. And that is why "It is well, it is well with my soul!"


"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, 'It is well, it is well with my soul.'
Though Satan should buffet, tho' trials should come, let this blest assurance control: that Christ has regarded my helpless estate and hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin--O the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin--not in part, but the whole, is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, O my soul!
And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll. The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend, 'Even so' it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul!"
--Spafford. Psalm 103:2


"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared in advance for those who love Him."--2 Corinthians 2:9.